Saturday, February 27, 2010 - #1 Mom

The plan to go to Greenhills came to fruition...and it was everything I imagined it would be. I started out waiting to meet up with everyone outside their apartment. As Edgar and I waited, a gruff...large man...came out of his apartment? maybe? or wherever he was on the bottom floor. I'm not exaclty sure why he came out...or what he was doing, but he turned around to look our way, and as I looked down at his shirt, I saw it read #1 Mom in bright orange or pink letters. Probably the last thing I would expect his shirt to say. I wanted to tell him to pause so I could I take a picture of him....but I also didn't want him to kill me so I decided to just talk about him on my blog.

We rode on a jeepney to go to Greenhills, the ride there didn't have many people on it, but on the ride back there were close to 30. True Filipino experience. We bargained a little once finally at greenhills...I was under control and only bought a few gifts for other people which I will keep a secret for now. I saw several designer bags I would have liked to have, but there were so many good choices it was almost too hard to pick...so I didn't get anything...yet. I know I'll be here for a while, so I"m sure I"ll be back again.

It's a gorgeous, hot day here, so Mike and I got our second dose of Halo Halo from Chowking this week. Delicious.

oh yeah and this is how they spelled michael on the receipt. Makes sense.

OK, so I also got my first massage today (Crystal, you will probably think this is enteraining). The really convenient part about my building (and other apartment buildings around) is that there are little convenient stores, laundry places, hair salons...and yes...spas on the bottom levels. So I paid 250 pesos ($5) for an hour long massage. Too good to be true? yes. No....really it was relaxing...and the....atmosphere...was very spalike. BUT my massage began with karate chops down my back, all the while the masseuse is either burping or coughing into her hand, before massaging some more....using waaaaaay too much oil. funny.

Last random thing:

This news article came up on my google alerts today and it makes me happy.

http://bleacherreport.com/articles/352005-florida-gator-football-and-the-swamp-the-best-college-football-stadium-in-all-the-land

Friday, February 26, 2010

Thank you to everyone who helped me out by sending resources to use for the training coming up. I've been pent up in my little blue cubicle since I found out I would be able to go to the satellite office next week. I think it's finally done. My brain is fried so I would like to not look at it at all this weekend, although I probably will. Maybe after a massage.
I was able to take a picture of my building from the outside today. and yes, on the top it says "In God we trust." Another building closeby has similar writing at the top that says, "Peace on Earth." A pleasant little message to see when you're coming home every day....although I come home on the other side.

I'm suprised I haven't yet taken a picture of a jeepney. These are everywhere in Manila, and don't cost much to ride on. Aparently I am riding one tomorrow to go to a market where you can buy "questionable" designer bags and sunglasses. I told the other interns to make sure I stay under control. Mom you might be getting a prize in the mail soon.

February 22, 2010 - what I'm learning about child traffiking

I got to go to a panel today on child traffiking with another intern. I'm pretty sure we will be on TV since there were a ton of news cameras there, so I made sure to have my "listening intently" face on most of the time. I was able to learn a few things, that I didn't realize before. Boys are affected by child traffiking, as well, which I think I assumed, i just didn't realize how prevalent it actually is. I also learned that children are traffiked often for the use of their "donated" organs (kidneys mainly), and are developing a lot of significant medical problems. Some children/families are so poor here, that the selling price for a kidney equals to about $50, and they are doing so without knowing of any possible complications. crazy.


* on a side note...I was meeting up with Mike at the mall today to do some studying at a coffee shop for the training coming up. While waiting for him to arrive, I decided to lean on a railing....that was not attached to anywhere. It proceeded to fall, I awkardly caught it and tried to stand up casually like I meant to do it...wishing mike was there so he could at least laugh at me. Fortunately, a random stranger was there to laugh at me before walking away. I just smiled and waved. Should I just start a blog and write solely about all my of embarassing moments here? or just...in life?

Monday, February 22, 2009

On my way to work this morning, I walked under one of the many construction zones to later find this brown goop all over my shirt which i'm assuming fell from that.....but maybe it was a bird...I'm not sure. I went to work to try to clean it all off, and even whipped out my handy dandy tide-to-go pen which still didn't work out too well. We kept finding new spots on my shirt. I kept trying to clean it off until one of my coworkers politely encouraged me to go home and change.

entertaining way to start out the day.

Sunday, February 21, 2009 - more about food

I had heard about dragon fruit during training week, and I've spotted it at the store a few times but have been too scared to try it. I finally looked up how to cut it and eat it....and I took the plunge. It's ok...I may buy it again....but it looks CRAZY. It's a good thing I looked up what the inside is like first, or I may have thrown it away thinking it was infested with little black bugs. It tastes just as described....a cross between a kiwi and a pear...and not too sweet or sour at all. I think I like it.

I had interesting experience opening a can of tuna the other night. I had overheard Leah and Edgar expressing difficulty using can openers here, so I just assumed it would be difficult. I found a tool in my apartment that I thought might look like a "this is a crazy way to open a can but maybe it could work" tool so I proceeded to...try to make it work. And I did....however the tuna can was destroyed after I was done with it. (I was still able to eat tuna that night) However I recently found out the tool I was using it just for punturing cans....not for opening....well...for opening only if you puncture it 50000 times.

Friday, February 19th

IJM is flying me out to the Samar Satellite Office March 2-5. IJM found out about a year ago that a majority of the girls they were rescuing in Manila were from Samar, so they planted an office there as a means of prevention and advocacy. They want me to do a training on Trauma Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for IJM social workers and governmental employees, and sessions on relaxation and staff care for the entire IJM staff. I am very very excited about this opportunity, but also overwhlemed as I will need to plan a 3-day training in just a few weeks. Please pray for me as I develop these trainings and they they would be relevant and useful for the staff.

Thursday morning, February 18, 2010

I've struck gold. I've discovered mango and it's amaaaazing. I kept having it in desserts here, but a lot of people have said they don't really like the fruit by itself so I haven't tried it. But I had another dessert with it last night (mango, cocounut milk and sticky rice....yumm) and decided to buy the fruit. I felt like Tom Hanks on Castaway after he hadn't eaten anything for days (keep in mind I had just had dinner), and when he discovered coconut he just devoured it. Which is what I did with the mango...right after a heavy dinner with lots of rice. I guess that can take the place of my craving for pomegranates.

They were doing maintanence on the elevators yesterday, which there are only 2 in the building, so when they were working on one elevator, the other was the only one available for all 36 floors of people. Waiting for the elevator took like 30 minutes, and then when I finally got on (packed to capacity), I felt like I was in the movie Elf (i'm in lots of movies yesterday aparently) because the buttons were pressed for every floor in the building (like a christmas tree!). I'm learning to be patient allll the time here.

I was supposed to go to a hearing today which I was very excited about, so I woke up at 5:30am to be here early, only to find out once I got here that I couldn't go for security purposes. I guess it's good to be safe and everything blah blah blah but I really wanted to go. patience....once again. ummm...to go with the being in a movie theme...I would say this experience is like....well I can't really think of one so let's just say I'm in a Disney Princess movie.

Wednesday, February 17

Confession: I just googled what NGO stands for.

Don't judge me.


Hope, Mike and I met up with some ex-pats from China for dinner last night (Hope knew one of the guys from college), and we ate ox tongue, pig belly, and some other fun things. We also found out that this gooey stuff we ate at the wedding this weekend was probably jellyfish....mom would you have believed I would be eating these things after years of making me peanut butter and jelly for lunch every day at school?

* Mouse update: when I told one of my coworkers about the mice that went running through my cubicle, she said she often sees them walking around the flourescent lights above us. I looked up today to see the light above me, and a huge hole at one end of the light. A mouse is definitely going to fall on my sometime this year....

my brother.

I just need the world to know that my brother is a sophomore in college, and he just adopted a pet.....an albino hedgehog.

Michael owns a hedgehog.

Oh and it's name is Joakim.

Tuesday, February 16

I bought bed sheets yesterday that were too small for my bed, and my other bed sheets were getting washed so I covered my mattress with t-shirts and used tshirts for pillow cases....kind of like I had jersey sheet sheets. ridiculous.

So I've been going through this book called Hope Lives that Laura, one of my old roommate's, gave to me a while back.

http://www.amazon.com/Hope-Lives-Amber-Van-Schooneveld/dp/0764437887/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266291958&sr=8-1

It's a book about experiencing Christianity through opportunities to serve the poor, and how being an affluent American can get in the way of an ability to truly experience and know God. I feel like I have been hearing this message in several places recently, another being from the book Crazy Love that I am reading, and also from something Gary Haugen said at training week that made sense for me. When he gave his testimony he talked about growing up in a safe, suburb, white, middle class life, and how his need for God was limited to the fact that he wanted to go to heaven and maybe asking for peace every once in a while (which i felt like I could relate to). His needs were met. However his views of God's provision changed drastically when he was able to visit Rwanda and see how people's lives depended on God.

$19,000 can seem like so little in America when you're looking at a yearly salary of someone who has a Master's Degree. Little did I know how (what I would consider) affluently I would be able to live here here compared to the living standards of most other people living in Manila...when in reality that salary is more than most people make in the world. There is a quote from Jay Z in this book where he says, "I come from the Marcy Projects in Brooklyn, which is considered a tough place to grow up, but visiting Africa showed me how good we have it. The rappers who say, 'we're from the 'hood,'take it from me, you're not from the hood."

From the outside looking in...it might seem like an honorable thing to drop everything and to come here, when the reality is I haven't really had to give up that much to be here. I am financially being provided for (thank you to my financial supporters), and yes I am giving up time with my fiance, friends and family in the United States to do some difficult work (which many of my collegues do in the United States, maybe different kind of work, but still dificult), but I am pursuing a dream of mine and loving (for the most part) what I get to do here. I GET this opportunity. and I didn't necessarily always know how to respond to people when they would tell me what an honorable thing it is I am doing. I don't necessarily feel like I'm doing such an amazing thing when I see the apartment I get to live in...or how...to me...everything here is so cheap. I wonder how different would it be if I was living at the same standard of living as the regular working person here. How much harder would it be on me. I can read this book and start to think very highly of myself saying wellll I sold most of my stuff....and I gave up this and that..and now i'm so poor....when in reality I'm still rich. If I needed...my parents would and could do what they can to make sure I'm provided for and they have my whole life.

I think what I am learning from this book is that it is OK to have things, or even to be affluent as long as it doesn't get in the way of your ability to see how affluent you really are compared to the rest of the world. In grad school I would say things like "I'm poor right now...so I can't go to Vegas." How ironic....i'm in grad school...so that in and of itself makes me priveleged.

When I got here, I justified to myself that I should install a heater in my shower, because I deserve hot showers after a long day...when in reality...I could probably do without one. I am even giving myself tons of credit for not getting cable....and it's been really hard for me not to have it! Edgar, one of the interns said to us the other day that in case of a disaster...Americans would probably be the first to go because we are so used to our regular comforts, our bottled water, our hot showers and our cable. I have a long list of things I "need" for my apartment in order for me to be totally settled in, when in reality...I have a roof over my head that is safe (I think....as long as it doesnt catch on fire:)). So while I don't deserve to go on vacation here, I will probably still take them, but hopefully with the mindset of a thankful heart instead of one that is entitled. I would really recommend the book.

*as I wrote this entry...2 mice (I think...if they were bugs...they were massive and had tails) ran right under my feet, so I FLIPPED OUT. I wish I could stay calm cool and collected in those situations.....but I almost turned my desk over as i got up and tried to run away. My B. I went and awkwardly stood at mike's desk until he asked me what happened, then he saved me by covering up a hole with post it notes that he thought they were going in and out of. But now my heart is racing, I can't comfortably put my feet on the floor....and i've convinced myself they are in my bag and I"m going to accidentally take them home.

Monday Morning, February 15, 2009

So I’m going to stop writing down what the plan is…cause that rarely ends up happening. Saturday night we did not meet with edgar’s friend, however edgar and I got some dinner anyways at a restaurant down the street (just a block). We split everything, Filipino style, and I’m sure everyone thought we were together on a valentine’s date, which is funny. They had a band there, and I’ve been so impressed with the filipino’s musical talent. Edgar made a good point when he said, “im just happy to be eating/hanging out somewhere that is not in a mall.” And for the first time in my life…I agreed.

Sunday was great, I went to church with one of my coworkers which is right across the street…inside a mall! Surprise surprise. After the service the interns seemed eager to take me to the church they have been going to for the past few months, but I enjoyed it, and enjoyed being with some of my coworkers there.

The wedding was wonderful and very interesting. The bride looked gorgeous…and I got lots of fun ideas for my own. We were talking to one of the bride’s sponsors…which I’m still not totally sure what that means…but she was saying it was common for women to get custom made gowns for formal events. Her gown looked like something straight from David’s Bridal, we said that had to be very expensive, and she said it only costs around 1500 pesos…which ends up being around $30. One of my coworkers said I should try on wedding dresses here, because you can get designer dresses for what would be around 2-300 US dollars. It would be hard to try on dresses without my family and friends, but I can see myself being easily persuaded…I could maybe even get a dress custom made! Then I don’t have to feel bad if I buy some manolo blahnik’s for the first time in my life :)....just kidding...but seriously...I might want to do that...

At the reception, there was an 859874630 course meal…of which I took a lot of pictures. The food was very exotic to me, and I was good and tried everything. Suprisingly though, after all the food I was still starving. Hope started talking about all the things she wanted at her wedding, and said her friend had a mashed potato bar…where you stick mashed potatoes in a martini glass and offer tons of toppings. An interesting idea. The room looked amazing, but I was surprised there was never any dancing, except a choreographed danced between the bride and groom, and with the bridal party. It was so cute. The rest of the time we were eating while different people within the reception sang love songs (much like karaoke?). Some little kids even sang and they were amazing, like they should be on American idol or something. It was incredible. Well, I can’t wait to marry corey. I was a mess and teared up all night, even though I didn’t even know the bride in groom. I just love love, and love witnessing love in other people.

Food pics (keep in mind this is a chinese/filipino wedding...can you guess what it is? I can't either...)

February 13, Saturday evening

The movie last night was OK, what was more interesting was the ride on the MRT (the train). Once we reached the station, I was able to see each car as it rode by, people packed like sardines. No wonder the other interns said they don’t ride it much. Once we paid the really cheap fee, the girls started to separate themselves from mike….i finally was able to figure out they were going to the “girls cab.” Apparently in the more recent years, the train has made a car available to just women, probably to prevent from getting…harassed…..on the train. I was really grateful that I wouldn’t be stuck that close to lots of people I don’t know, and thought maybe new York or DC could use that idea. Probably not possible, considering the mrt is just one route with a few stops. It’s nowhere near as extensive as New York or DC….there were lots of impoverished people hanging around asking for money…very sad.

Today I went looking around for a dress for the wedding we are going to with Hope and Leah. Finding things in your size here is very hard, because apparently I am gargantuan haha. But that’s better anyways, because it means I wont be spending my money all the time. My landlord stopped by to disconnect my cable since I opted to not have it while I’m here, and I left here some herhsey kisses just because she's been so nice and helpful to me. She left me a little heart pillow for valentine’s day. It made me cry that she would be so sweet, in addition to cleaning my apartment (Mom I promised I had already cleaned the before she came, but she just did a more extensive job for me)...sooooo my landlord was my valentine this year. cool.

Tonight is dinner and drinks with Edgar and a potential scuba diving buddy of his. Today I’m feeling like I fit in and that life is beginning. One of the social workers texted me last night and invited me to go to this flower festival in a few weeks. I am really looking forward to hanging out with Filipinos for fun, and not just at work. The interns have made a lot of connections with other ex-pats in the area which I am grateful for having other established friends, but I don’t see myself appreciating the culture if I don’t try to fully immerse myself…which will happen regardless, but still. I mean I know I have already immersed just by moving here...I think what I’m saying is it will help me to adjust if I feel more Filipino, and less visitor….y.

Friday evening

Corey, you would be so proud of me. Typically when I make up my own recipes, I mess them up beyond belief…usually just because I add cheese unnecessarily. But cheese always makes things good right? Well it doesn’t. and I didn’t do that this time. The interns started making fun of me for eating cheese and crackers and cereal for every meal…but that was all I bought at my first overwhelming trip to the grocery store. It was the only thing I recognized and trusted. I got some inspiration from Edgar who bought some tomato basil pesto, so I made pasta with basil pesto, tofu and broccoli…and it tasted delicious. I definitely needed to get some vegetables to make sure I don’t get sick. When I went to the grocery store I ended up buying more than I could carry, so the bag boy offered to walk my groceries home for me. It was great! And he was very nice.

I cook on a balcony type thing outside, what is known here as a dirty kitchen...in the case I would hire a cook, but anyways I cook out there and this was the view to the left as I looked out my apartment tonight:

Things are starting to come together…I signed up for my internet today since I finally got my visa yesterday, and my heater was installed this morning…there was some waiting involved, but because I expected it, it really was fine. I just brought some work home with me to do while I waited. When I signed up for internet they said they will install it within the next 5-7 business days, and then they gave me a phone number in case they never came at all. Apparently that can be common here. I was very impressed with the heater guy from handyman since he was on time, since when I scheduled the time for him to come, the person just looked at me and smiled…didn’t write anything down, just kept smiling and nodding.

I’m going to see the Valentine’s Day movie tonight. I don’t know why I love torturing myself since I will probably feel all sappy and sad cause Corey is not here, but I am happy it is the weekend and I will have some time to get my life in order. There is a bridal show at the mega mall, so maybe I’ll go explore that a little bit. Still waiting to hear how I’m saving the world this week? I guess that is yet to come once I’m all settled in. J

Friday morning, February 12

I think I’m finally getting more used to the noises here. For the first time I did not get up once during the night to check on a noise that I thought might be related to my building being caught on fire, or someone trying to break in. Corey told me last night I should hold a match under the sprinkler to test it out and see if it works. He eventually had to tell me he was joking or else I really would have done it.

Thursday evening

So ask me what I did tonight? Got home…hurriedly got dressed for the opera….met up with the other interns, and waited for a cab for 2 hours before giving up, going to get more food (because eating and shopping is the only thing to do here) and go home. What I loved about the Philippines tonight (I feel like I should do this): ummmm….Crystal you would like this. There is a dessert cereal store in the mall, where you can combine all these sweet kinds of cereal and pick out your milk. I haven’t tried it yet, but plan on doing that soon.

Lord give me patience.

Thursday afternoon, Feb 11

I feel like I’m going through cultural adjustment in kind of a backwards way, although the counseling response would be “you can go through any phase at any time” they set it up so that you first arrive in a country…you love it…then you gradually hate it….then you get adjusted…then you love it again. I def got here and pretty much wondered what I was thinking. Now I think I’m being able to fall more in love with it and have a deeper appreciation for it. I keep flip flopping between love and hate.

I got to go on a 3 hour city tour of Old Manila today. I will say it definitely gave me a new appreciation for the city and historically what it has been through. From what it was described, the city used to be this amazing mix of all the best of many cultures…which is why Manila used to be called the Pearl of the Orient, but when the US bombed Manila to try and stop Japan in World War II, it has never been the same. San Augustin church is the only remaining aspect of Old Manila, since it was a Red Cross site, and it was beautiful. What was interesting was that the church is an illusion. It looks like there are all of these sculpted aspects in the roof and the wall, when really they are just paintings symbolizing “nothing is as it seems” here in Manila.

I got to try halo halo (which means mix mix)…and it is definitely a mix mix of things…which is supposed to be a representation of the Filipino culture. It has coconut, jello, beans, coconut milk…and other things and I really liked it! One of the office staff was with us and he encouraged us to try taho…which is a soy pudding thing with brown sugar tapioca beads mixed in…maybe I’m completely off (andrea do you know?). To me it looked like ice cream, but then when I held the cup it was hot and the staff told me it was a breakfast food. I let him finish the rest because I was slightly nervous about eating food off the street. I was happy to have tasted it though.

After the tour we went to the immigration office to get our visas. While we had to wait we went to starbucks to hang out. An obvious westerner walked in ( you can usually spot them from a mile away) carrying a huge backpack. He sat down next to us and said “you all look acclimated…what are you doing here?” We proceeded to tell him about IJM, and he looked at us and said “ya know, I’ve been a lot of places, and I can honestly say Manila is probably the most overwhelming place I’ve ever been.” It made me feel normal that I have been freaking out these past few days. He is here with his girlfriend who is doing research, they are both marine biologists who have gone all over to scuba dive. He was definitely wide eyed and seeking American comfort from one of the many starbucks on every corner of this country.

We got free tickets to a Filipino opera for tonight, and I am excited about attending a wedding on Valentine’s Day, while I’m missing my valentine. There is supposed to be a bridal show in one of the malls close by this weekend so maybe I’ll go to that for some entertainment. Friday we, as an office, are going to do a staff care activity so we are going to a dance lesson together.

Both dancing and singing (mainly karaoke) is a huge aspect of the culture here. Example: Even in a staff meeting we had here, a coworker was talking very passionately about a topic and proceeded to say, "now I would like to sing about it." and she sang a very releveant song...very beautifully...but I was shocked this was happening in a workplace. I have really missed the belly dancing classes that I used to do with Kaitlin back in Greensboro, so I wanted to see if that was available at all here. When I asked if there were any classes close by, the interns told me that our instructor on Friday is a world famous belly dancer who I can start taking classes from. woo hoo

Wednesday morning, February 10, 2010

I spent yesterday morning in a coffee shop close to work that was very nice with a lot of trees and a waterfall sculpture. I needed time to look up some scriptures on worry and about peace. I don’t want to be naïve about this fire thing, but I also can’t live here for the rest of the time worrying my apartment will catch on fire. I was able to find this scripture which offered me some encouragement. James 1:24 Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble and to keep oneself unspotted from the world. For me the “keeping oneself unspotted from the world meant” to not live in fear, but to be moving in peace that surpasses all understanding. Going to work was very useful too and God answered many of my prayers. We had hummus for lunch (something I’ve been missing), but more than that I learned some of the ways I will be able to be used in this office, and I developed a love for the people I came in contact with today. It looks like I will get to help with the STAR Program, which is a program for survivors who have gone through the process and are now ready to serve as advocates. They are also interested in using me to offer free counseling support to them, as well as do trainings for not just IJM social workers, but governmental employees in Trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy. Plus, whatever helps Josie, my supervisor, with her ridiculous caseload and work responsibilities. The people in the office are so amazing and supportive of me, and that is just what I needed. During prayer time, people were praying about big issues related to our clients and the office’s goals, and it put my fears into perspective. I was nervous to express my fears with my dad because I didn’t want to worry him, but he was so confident in my mission here that it really helped. He said to me that God did not send me here to die in a fire, and that he has trusted his daughter to God and to the city of Manila, because he believes I am supposed to be here. And I believe that too. Plus in my heart of hearts, I know this area is safe. The guards go up and down the elevators all night to check on the floors and there is a fire station right close by. I will be fine.

I took my third cold shower today (notice…one was not taken yesterday) and it really isn’t too bad, but I’m going to buy a water heater as soon as I get ready for work. And maybe some foam soap….because that junk makes me happy.

Tuesday Morning - February 9th

During training week we talked a lot about cultural adjustments and the variety of phases you can go through when adjusting to a new country….I feel like just within the past few days I’ve gone through some extremes…I came here very excited and loved the fact I was in a high rise building in the middle of a big city, and now I’m feeling more unsafe than ever before I think. I woke up at 1am smelling smoke and convinced myself the building was on fire again…so I tried to start running down the stairs but 32 flights was just way too much…and the smoke was making me feel light headed….and no one else was doing it with me so I returned to the elevators. A man was there who explained the fire earlier was an electrical fire, although the doormen all said someone put a cigarette in the trash shoot. Once I got to the bottom, the doorman explained that there is still smoke as residue, but nothing was on fire.

I felt like I was breathing in smokey air in all night. I Covered my face with pillows, opened the door to the outside to let some polluted “fresh” air in, and checked the window whenever I heard a siren in the distance. I really thought I might die that night. I kept waking up throughout the night begging God for peace of mind. All night I had convinced myself that my apartment was on fire. I felt so unsafe. I kept flashing back to a conversation with my dad about people and how we feel we are entitled to life…to every day…to a future…when that is a privilege and not a right. But I wanted the privelege of another day so badly. I kept begging God that this wouldn’t be my last night…that I could please have not just one more day but many others. Crazy, right? I really was going crazy. I texted the other interns at 4am asking if i could come over before realizing I probably shouldnt be walking the streets at 4am. I kept remembering a sermon at Spring Garden where Greg used example after example of death in the Bible, where it seemed almost irrational and too insanely harsh for God to allow, but he proposed that maybe death isn’t necessarily a punishment in this life, but a great act of mercy, and that our perspective on death might just be a little off. I totally got it...and agreed...and kept trying to find peace in that.......but couldn't help really really not wanting to die. selfish me.

Clearly I am struggling. And so soon after my arrival. At this point I’m wondering what I’m doing with my life, and really missing my fiancé, my family, and my friends….and internet at home, tv shows like the office, organization…and “being green.” I feel like I should wear a mask at all times to prevent my body from ingesting so much pollution.

Plus I was sure going into this that I would be able to eat all this fresh food from markets and stuff…which I’ve seen none…and its quite the opposite of that. Lots of fatty foods…lots of sugar...not too much that’s good for you. I really miss edamame and hummus. The interns here have even had to join a gym to try to maintain weight. I thought this year I could lose a ton of weight since I would be walking and eating pomegranates every day. I would look great right before my wedding and it would all be perfect but that fantasy has been shattered, as well. Not a pomegranate in sight.

I’m going to try to get out of here and spend a few hours at starbucks before work maybe….if I can find it. Good part about jet lag is I’ve been able to easily wake up really early. I’m really liking that.

Monday Evening

Everyone was very nice at work today. It was amazing to experience bible study, praise and worship, and stillness within an office setting. The directors took me to lunch today at a place called banana leaf…where you eat your food off of banana leaves! I was encouraged to order boku juice…which I’m pretty sure is a shaved coconut with a straw stuck in it. In the US I imagine that drink would sell for like $8, but I think it ended up costing less than $1. The rest of the food was delicious and the company even more delightful. A fish with eyes was placed on the table…and I just hate knowing the meat I am eating was once alive. In my heart I know it, but I just don’t want it to be obvious. The Filipinos keep saying I need to try balut which is a fertilized egg….aparently you eat it with feathers and a beak…and I’m terrified of being confronted with that experience haha. So far I’m fine with just peanut butter and jelly, although that, like most everything else I have had here so far, is too sweet even for my taste. No need for added splenda here.

After a long nap when I got home, the interns had been planning a delayed superbowl party. Most people had accidentally found out the score, but I still did not know yet. On the way down I had my first very scary moment. Mom and dad – stop reading now…I stepped into the elevator and smelled some smoke, but assumed it was coming from the many cooking smells I have smelled the past few days in the building. As the elevator descended smoke was filling up more and more and I could tell the other people inside the elevator were starting to worry, as well. I didn’t know what to do, but was sure being on an elevator in the case of a fire was the last place I needed to be. I kept flashing back to Jeff Blom at security training in Washington, DC and was sure he would be disappointed in me, but unaware of what other choices I had at the moment. Walking the stairs in that smoke may have made me pass out! I convinced myself that as the door opened to lobby, it would be engulfed in flames. I’ve never been more happy to see the intern Edgar who was waiting for me with Leah in the lobby, fire free. I ended up talking to someone who used to live in the building who said the office building had caught fire before when he lived here. Please continue to pray for my safety, and the safety of others in this building. Being on the 32^nd floor doesn’t leave me with much to do in case of fire. I have since located the fire extinguisher on my floor, and there are sprinklers everywhere, I’m just not sure they work.

February 8 - Monday Morning

Sooo I woke up at 4am this morning which worked out well because I was able to call Corey and my family at what would be a normal time for them. I took another cold shower which wasn’t too bad, and wanted to plug in my straightener to make a good first impression for everyone at work – and I guess for me that means straight hair? I looked on the tag to check the voltage, couldn’t find anything, but noticed it had a test feature to it, so I figured if it didn’t match, the test button would tell me so. As the plug-in TOUCHED the plug (not go inside…then turn on the appliance…touched.), I saw a spark, heard a boom and everything in my apartment turned off. I found my breaker box and still wasn’t able to make all the lights and ac turn on. I thought the boom was so loud, it was possible I may had affected the entire floor, or worse, the entire building. I opened my door to check, and thankfully those light were on, so I was the only person affected. I started to freak out a little, because my making a great first impression plans were totally shot, plus I was getting really hot and sweaty. I sat down….and thought I should try the breaker again and it worked! Thank goodness…I guess I wont be using that straightener the rest of the time here. I think they’ll still like me anyways...even if my hair isn't straight.

Did a lot of apartment type shopping yesterday with Edgar and Mike. I’m feeling more cozy in my apartment already now all I need is internet access so I can start skyping and emailing and all that. There is a mall right across the street to go grocery shopping. I spent 800 pesos there and started freak out a little until I realized my total bill would translate to only $16. I was a little traumatized after seeing the process of someone buying a live eel and how the butcher man ended up….dealing with it. I tried to watch because I was a little bit curious, although slightly disturbed, and had to walk away once I heard mike say, “he’s paralyzing it by hitting its back with the dull side of the blade.” I like eel in sushi, but I might not like it anymore. The thing had whiskers.

I was also looking to buy body wash and found one I really liked, but then read that it was “whitening” body wash ( which I definitely do not need), as is most face washes and lotions that I saw. It was just so amazing to me to see these products, especially since the tan the Filippinos have is the one I constantly strive for (and really want while I stay here) and could never attain in my lifetime. I am either white or red….no in between. I know the grass is always greener on the other side, and being white can come with inherent (although unfair) privelege, so it was just very interesting and suprising to me to see these porducts. I just want people to know how beautiful there skin is, but I guess I also need to be saying that to myself. I was talking to Leah, another intern here, and she was saying how hard it is to explain to some of the clients here that they are beautiful, since here you are considered beautiful just because you are white and for no other reason. If only they could see what we see in them, or more importantly how God sees them. I start work in a few hours and am so excited to meet everyone and get to know the IJM office.

Sunday Feb 7, 2010

It’s 5:45am and I am wiiiiide awake. I’ve actually been awake since about 2am, but forced myself back to sleep….which wasn’t to hard. Must be jet lag J So far I’ve been able to see 2 sunrises, one in the airport in Korea and now here. Korea’s was amazing, it had been dark (to me) for like 18 hours since it was dark when I left New York. I could tell I was getting a little depressed and shocked with what I had done with my life, and was so encouraged to see the pink sky and these gorgeous mountains with just came out of nowhere. What an amazing reminder of God’s beauty and power.

I arrived in Manila yesterday around 11:30am (10:30pm my old time), to be greeted by some of the wonderful interns from the IJM office. I think we almost got in 80 wrecks on the way home (we had a driver, and it wasn’t necessarily his fault), but somehow as youre riding in the car it feels like one accident after another being avoided....if I were driving...I would have obviously totaled my car (again). There are cars and buses everywhere, no real lines or organization, and people are constantly honking their horns and creating their own lanes in the highway. A bus crossed over into our oncoming traffic because it needed to be parked on the other side of the road (instead of making a normal u-turn to pull around and be driving the right way.) I’ve been taking the advice from my aunt Inga when crossing the street, to only walk when Filipinos walk, and walk right next to them. I’ve seen little kids cross roads better than I can…and to me, it doesn’t look like they are “looking both ways before they cross the street.”

We went straight to see my new apartment, which I love. Was I wrong to think I would be living in something like a cardboard box for the next year? I’m actually on the 32^nd floor of a highrise building…and am surrounded by highrise buildings and malls. Shopping is really the only thing to do around here. One of the interns said “no wonder everyone here is poor…the only thing to do here is shop.” Good thing I don’t have much money to frivolously spend or I would be spending it too. It is very weird because at any time of the day, the mall is just packed. One intern thought maybe since the Philippines is one of the major US call centers, that many Filipinos may have weird work hours. But it is very interesting.

In my apartment there is a separator of colored glass window squares that for some reason makes me feel like I’m in the movie west side story? I don’t really know how else to explain it, but I like it. There are about 5 doormen who get to know your name, your face, and your room number and who can really help you with about anything. When I got home last night the key I was given for the bottom lock wasn’t working as it was supposed to, so the doormen gladly called me a locksmith (for a small fee) and my landlord was wonderful and actually drove over to the apartment herself to help me. Really all I wanted to do was go to sleep, but things had been going too well for something annoying not too happen. But that’s all it was, and it looks like these annoying things I’m going to have to get used to dealing with here. Good thing I had good practice dealing with insanely annoying details right before I left the States (there was also tons of good things before I left….but the annoying things are not worth explaining). I have a great view of the city and some mountains in the background, which aren’t really showing up on my camera because of the smog. It’s very hot and sticky here, even worse than Florida, so I constantly feel like I need to shower. I still need to do that, but there is no hot water…which at this point I’m not even mad about since I’m so hot. There are lots of services here that are kind of exciting to me, you can drop off your laundry and for a few dollars they clean your clothes for you and drop them off at your apartment (much better than sitting at a laundry mat for a few hours, unless I’m with my fiancé of course J) Also the grocery store is across the street, and the bag boys not only carry your bags out of the store for you, but they carry them home to your apartment for you. It almost makes me feel bad, just because it is not something I am used to. I already miss being able to drink tap water, since I’m thirsty all the time since I sweat constantly. There’s lots to explore today, which I’m excited about. Theres apparently a pool and exercise room somewhere in my building, although I’m apprehensive to swim in it since the interns say their pool is an “acid rain puddle” (they all live in a separate building). So we’ll see.

This place is almost just as was described to me, a third world big city. In a lot of ways I feel lucky to be here than the other IJM offices considering all the things and amenities that are available to me, and how westernized it is, but then again it makes sense that sex trafficking would be so prevalent here with having over 20 million people living here. It’s insane.

Becoming a blogger

This is My Nila. The way I have been and will be experience my time in Manila, Philippines. Plus, the word Manila translates into "my nila" which is the flower of the Philippines (which i have not seen yet, I do not think).

So I'm not typically the blogging type, but definitely feel as though this next year of my life warrants a blog. I plan on being pretty honest with my struggles, which I hope is OK, and the beginning weeks will likely not be so much about my work, but about cultural adjustment and the new experiences of moving to Manila as I get adjusted to figuring out my role with International Justice Mission (IJM). The following is an excerpt from my support letter to better explain IJM and what I will be doing over theis next year (so if you already read my support letter, no need to read this):

I recently graduated with a Master’s and Educational Specialist Degree in Couples and Family Counseling. Two years ago, when I first began this counseling program, I went to a conference with my parents who also serve in this helping profession. One night while dialoguing and praying about the possibilities of the life application my degree, I had a teary-eyed existential moment, feeling concerned about how to best use this degree once I was done. I felt a sense of anxiety and frustration since I did not know how my passion for women’s issues, culture, and social justice would or could even possibly converge in the future.

Little did I know the next morning I would hear Mr. Gary Haugen, President and CEO of International Justice Mission (IJM), speak to the conference about injustice in the world. He spoke of a young girl who was sold into the sex trade, and talked about how IJM lawyers worked with the local government to free her and thousands like her from the bondage they had experienced. He showed a video of these little girls crawling out of the hole they had been imprisoned within for months (see attached case story). I was so moved by this issue, I knew one day I wanted to be a part of International Justice Mission. I wanted to be a part of what they were doing in the world, and was compelled to seek opportunities to become involved. For the past two years, I have prayed about and anxiously awaited the opportunity to apply upon graduation.

There are 600,000- 800,000 people, mainly women, trafficked each year (U.S. State Department). It’s a multi-billion dollar enterprise (Trafficking In Persons Report, 2005). Trafficked women and girls are often tricked with the promise of a good job. Some are kidnapped and drugged, only to find upon waking that they are trapped in a brothel and forced to provide sex to customers. In some instances, these victims are sold by family members in order to pay medical bills or family debts. Police complicity often leaves these girls with no one to turn to for help. International Justice Mission (IJM) is a non-profit Christian human rights agency whose mission is to protect people from violent forces of injustice by securing rescue and restoration for victims and ensuring public justice systems work for the poor. IJM investigators spend thousands of hours infiltrating brothels and uncovering the world of sexual exploitation. IJM staff then works with local authorities to lead raids and rescue victims from this horrific nightmare, placing them in safe homes where they receive aftercare and begin new lives of freedom. IJM lawyers work to secure the conviction and sentencing of brothel keepers and other perpetrators involved in sex trafficking. These convictions help to deter future perpetrators and change the system that traffics women and girls for sexual exploitation.

One of the main reasons why I am so convinced in the power of IJM’s work is their desire to not only help individuals, but to assist in structural change by strengthening community factors that are likely to deter potential oppressors, reduce the vulnerability of at-risk populations, and empower local authorities to stop such abuse.

I believe this type of opportunity is why I entered into the counseling profession and that God has been preparing me for this for the past few years. Logic may say that financial and safety issues would mitigate against moving forward, but I’ve learned long ago to trust that God can provide those resources. I have accepted the opportunity to serve for the next year in Manila, Philippines as an Aftercare Fellow. My role in the scope of all that IJM does would come into play as these women and children receive aftercare. I will work for IJM at the Child Welfare Agency by training and offering support to social workers and other IJM staff.