I bought bed sheets yesterday that were too small for my bed, and my other bed sheets were getting washed so I covered my mattress with t-shirts and used tshirts for pillow cases....kind of like I had jersey sheet sheets. ridiculous.
So I've been going through this book called Hope Lives that Laura, one of my old roommate's, gave to me a while back.
It's a book about experiencing Christianity through opportunities to serve the poor, and how being an affluent American can get in the way of an ability to truly experience and know God. I feel like I have been hearing this message in several places recently, another being from the book Crazy Love that I am reading, and also from something Gary Haugen said at training week that made sense for me. When he gave his testimony he talked about growing up in a safe, suburb, white, middle class life, and how his need for God was limited to the fact that he wanted to go to heaven and maybe asking for peace every once in a while (which i felt like I could relate to). His needs were met. However his views of God's provision changed drastically when he was able to visit Rwanda and see how people's lives depended on God.
$19,000 can seem like so little in America when you're looking at a yearly salary of someone who has a Master's Degree. Little did I know how (what I would consider) affluently I would be able to live here here compared to the living standards of most other people living in Manila...when in reality that salary is more than most people make in the world. There is a quote from Jay Z in this book where he says, "I come from the Marcy Projects in Brooklyn, which is considered a tough place to grow up, but visiting Africa showed me how good we have it. The rappers who say, 'we're from the 'hood,'take it from me, you're not from the hood."
From the outside looking in...it might seem like an honorable thing to drop everything and to come here, when the reality is I haven't really had to give up that much to be here. I am financially being provided for (thank you to my financial supporters), and yes I am giving up time with my fiance, friends and family in the United States to do some difficult work (which many of my collegues do in the United States, maybe different kind of work, but still dificult), but I am pursuing a dream of mine and loving (for the most part) what I get to do here. I GET this opportunity. and I didn't necessarily always know how to respond to people when they would tell me what an honorable thing it is I am doing. I don't necessarily feel like I'm doing such an amazing thing when I see the apartment I get to live in...or how...to me...everything here is so cheap. I wonder how different would it be if I was living at the same standard of living as the regular working person here. How much harder would it be on me. I can read this book and start to think very highly of myself saying wellll I sold most of my stuff....and I gave up this and that..and now i'm so poor....when in reality I'm still rich. If I needed...my parents would and could do what they can to make sure I'm provided for and they have my whole life.
I think what I am learning from this book is that it is OK to have things, or even to be affluent as long as it doesn't get in the way of your ability to see how affluent you really are compared to the rest of the world. In grad school I would say things like "I'm poor right now...so I can't go to Vegas." How ironic....i'm in grad school...so that in and of itself makes me priveleged.
When I got here, I justified to myself that I should install a heater in my shower, because I deserve hot showers after a long day...when in reality...I could probably do without one. I am even giving myself tons of credit for not getting cable....and it's been really hard for me not to have it! Edgar, one of the interns said to us the other day that in case of a disaster...Americans would probably be the first to go because we are so used to our regular comforts, our bottled water, our hot showers and our cable. I have a long list of things I "need" for my apartment in order for me to be totally settled in, when in reality...I have a roof over my head that is safe (I think....as long as it doesnt catch on fire:)). So while I don't deserve to go on vacation here, I will probably still take them, but hopefully with the mindset of a thankful heart instead of one that is entitled. I would really recommend the book.
*as I wrote this entry...2 mice (I think...if they were bugs...they were massive and had tails) ran right under my feet, so I FLIPPED OUT. I wish I could stay calm cool and collected in those situations.....but I almost turned my desk over as i got up and tried to run away. My B. I went and awkwardly stood at mike's desk until he asked me what happened, then he saved me by covering up a hole with post it notes that he thought they were going in and out of. But now my heart is racing, I can't comfortably put my feet on the floor....and i've convinced myself they are in my bag and I"m going to accidentally take them home.
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